(4:43) 11.02.25 -- i am so sleepy and i don’t want to work. im not sure why ive been sleeping so late. the other night i slept at 11 and woke up at 8. yet that following night i still slept at 4am as if i wasn’t tired at all. 
even after a shift at work im not tired at night at all.
right now im just so drowsy. all i want to do is work on my neocities. im definitely falling into some fixation again. i’ll ignore eating and sleeping and just fully immerse myself in it. last time it was danmei. before that was superbat. now it’s html/css. it’s fun but im really worried about my sleep.
it also doesn’t help tht last night i was sad and cried a little bit. i dont want to whine abt it here bc its such a non-issue compared to other things and there r other things id rather over share than this. 
i have 15 minutes b4 i have to clock in. next week im working until close which is leaving for work at 5 pm just sounds like actual shit. i’d rather take shifts earlier in the day but im the only one w evening availability. the other girls are in school or at other jobs. sigh.
i wish i was curled up in bed snoozing the day away. it must be nice to be a well loved cat. i hope my own cats are warm and comfy too back at home. i really would rather be home. i feel like i can fall asleep standing up
10.31.25 -- for some reason my heart wasnt in halloween this year... i didnt have an urge to go out or do anything. 
>all i wanted to do was work on my site... i couldve gone out into the city with my friends, but i dont think my brain is ready for bar hopping. i felt like a total loser tho!!! strangely enough i didnt have any fomo. am i healing...?
my success of going back to twitter and fandom spaces has CRASHED. i feel like i dont know the "culture" of fandom anymore when you JUST start out. 
> ive been in fandoms for over a decade now, but a small majority was spent on 2019 kpop/anitwt and then i just stopped for three years. it also doesnt help that new accs on twitter start of shadowbanned and you just have to prove your way out.
i made a tweet searching for some mutuals but getting ran over wouldve been less embarassing. it feels odd to make a tweet like that... feels like im begging... but i do miss having mutuals to giggle with. i still reminisce about how active i was in 2019 with kpop. 
> it was a time... but now i just feel so lonely. but honestly, even back then i was lonely. i remember thinking back then that i wanted more, but me now, i miss what little i had. funny how that works. im not sure why i dont fit in fandom spaces. why is it so hard its literally ALL online!!!!! ive tried live five different times, and they never really turn out well... theres no one to giggle about yaoi with......
anyway, this was my first entry!!!! woohoo!!!! gn
media recs!
(2:03 PM) 11.01.25 -- hoyofair animation trailer dropped 2day!!!!! cyrene, stelle, anaxa and mydei are so stupid cute lol. 
> i havent caught up with a lot of amphoreous bc the quests are just sooooo long and after a while the plot is hard to follow bc im so tired @ the end. i def need 2 catch up tho i miss phaichan and anaxa....
stelle also looked handsome as ever. and cyrene...... waow...... theres not a day tht goes by where she isnt beautiful. 
also been seeing the appeal of mynaxa. the fanart has always been cute and i am easily artbaited into anything if its drawn/written well. and they looked so cute in the trailer... seeing anaxa without an eyepatch feels like the flash of a victorian woman's ankle and i've been hungry 4 eons. 
> and mydei looks stupid cute w his little hat BUT idk i love him so anything he does is sexy. i rly like characters who have a nasty glare. and he fufills that greatly! just look at him... also im a sucker for tinted glasses i think theyre hot :3.
related media!
credits!
- journal template from doqmeat!
- lace border from da lace
- dither effect from doodad.dev
- site font here!
- page images are from pinterest. dm for removal. tab images are mine :]